Posted by Brittanae Hagwood on

When I designed this piece I was at a very uncomfortable stage in my life. I was in a very unloving relationship. I was over indulging in drinking, eating and trying to fulfill a void that could only be fulfilled by doing my art and healing through it. I told my ex who I was with at that time that I was going to go full throttle and pursue my dream of being a business owner and that I needed his support. This was a pivotal moment for me. That was when something shifted in me. 

I stopped doing art shortly after I stopped attending CCAD in 2009. I felt that my creative individuality was crushed. After I left, almost all the creativity I had dried up. My creative spark did not come back until after I had my first child. It was then that I began trying to fill that empty space within myself with other things and people that completely did not work.  I did this piece while in a deep meditative state. It was as if all my  dried up tears found a way to my empty drawing journal. It was something ugly, something beautiful and RAW that finally unleashed itself from the mask that contained it. It was as if another chamber had been unleashed within me. All that I could hear at this time was a scripture in my head from the Bible.

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

It was as if someone else had taken control of my pen and came through me. My picture looked like a demon and it scared me. But all along it was everything hidden within me at that moment. It was as if I had regurgitated the crap inside me onto paper. Something came alive within me that day and brought to life a part of me that I thought was dead and buried. 

That was one of the earlier signs that propelled me to continue with my meditation ritual. I noticed that the more I did it, the more creative I became. The spirit man was growing within me and allowed me to start the reconstruction process. It was the first brick of the foundation.

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